shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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