You work out of a Hotel?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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