I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
