I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
