Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
