According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
