PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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