So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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