OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
