Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
