i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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