I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize