Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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