Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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