Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
