I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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