Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
