It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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