I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
