Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
