Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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