I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize