Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
