Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
