The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
