Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
