I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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