i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
