So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
