I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
