So drunk its hurt
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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