Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
