I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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