I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
