Girls should come with a carfax report
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
