also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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