You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
