I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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