ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
