Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
