oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
