my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
