i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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