so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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