WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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