I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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