she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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