All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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