Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
