youre lurking in front of me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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