super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize