I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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