the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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