I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
