butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
