apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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