Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
