Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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