Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
