**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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