yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My feet surprised me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
