Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
only you would photoshop your dick
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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