Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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