So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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