Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
