saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
