eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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