Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
