I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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