I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
