Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
