So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
