I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You ruined the universe
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
