well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
