Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
