Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
