so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This is my gift to your gina
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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