By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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