i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
