i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let's get the cat blown out
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
