Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
