can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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