you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
